Supporting your Student
Families, guardians, and other supporters can help students make thoughtful decisions about fraternity and sorority membership. The most helpful approach is to remain curious, ask questions, and allow the student to take ownership of their experience.
Let Your Student Lead
Choosing whether to join a fraternity or sorority should be the student’s decision. Encourage them to explore multiple organizations, consider what they want from membership, and identify a chapter that aligns with their goals and values.
Students should communicate directly with chapter leaders, advisors, and the Fraternity & Sorority Life Office whenever possible. Taking responsibility for these conversations helps them build confidence, independence, and self-advocacy skills.
Talk About Expectations
Before joining, encourage your student to ask each organization about:
- Membership costs and payment deadlines
- Weekly meetings and time commitments
- Academic expectations
- New-member activities
- Service, philanthropy, and event requirements
- Housing expectations, when applicable
- Standards of conduct and accountability
- Who to contact with questions or concerns
Costs vary by chapter and may include national dues, local fees, and event expenses. New members may pay more during their first semester, although some organizations offer scholarships or payment plans.
Encourage Balance
Fraternity and sorority membership should complement a student’s education, not replace it. Encourage your student to create a realistic plan for balancing academics, employment, health, relationships, and chapter responsibilities.
Many organizations provide study sessions, peer mentoring, and academic accountability. The Family Guide notes that UNM fraternity and sorority members have recently earned a community GPA above the campus average.
Check in periodically with open-ended questions such as:
- How are you feeling about the experience?
- Are the expectations what you were told they would be?
- Do you feel supported and respected?
- Are you able to manage your academic and financial responsibilities?
- Is there anything happening that makes you uncomfortable?
Know What Should Never Be Expected
No student should be pressured to participate in hazing, coercion, humiliation, threats, retaliation, dangerous activities, or behavior that compromises their health or safety.
Hazing is prohibited at UNM and by recognized fraternities and sororities. Concerns should be reported and taken seriously.
Warning signs may include:
- Sudden secrecy about chapter activities
- Unexplained injuries or exhaustion
- Significant changes in mood, sleep, or academic performance
- Pressure to miss class, work, or other responsibilities
- Requests for unexpected payments or purchases
- Fear of leaving an activity or organization
- Statements suggesting they must tolerate harmful behavior to become a member
A student does not need to be certain that hazing occurred before asking for help or reporting a concern.
[View Safety and Reporting Resources]
Stay Engaged Without Taking Over
Ask your student about their experience and celebrate their growth, while allowing them to address ordinary questions and disagreements directly.
Families may also consider attending appropriate chapter events, Family Weekend activities, or opportunities to meet chapter advisors. The Family Guide encourages families to stay engaged while allowing students to make the decision that is right for them.
When to Contact the University
Students should generally begin by communicating directly with their chapter, advisor, or the Fraternity & Sorority Life Office. A family member should contact the University when:
- There is an immediate concern about health or safety
- Hazing, coercion, retaliation, or threatening behavior may be involved
- The student is unable or afraid to seek assistance
- Help is needed identifying the appropriate campus resource
- General information is needed about recognition, policies, or reporting options
Student privacy laws may limit what the University can share about an individual student, but staff can listen to concerns, explain available resources, and receive relevant information.
[Contact Fraternity & Sorority Life]
Helpful Resources
[View Recognized Chapters]
[Learn How Membership Works]
[Review Costs and Financial Expectations]
[Read the Family FAQ]
